Best Flavor Text?

[Jaremo]

What card do you think has the best Flavor Text, and why?

I gotta go with Bottle Gnomes man:

"Reinforcements . . . or refreshments?"


http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=189224

Nuff said haha

[mtglord]

goblin spelunkers
(i think thats the name)
"you go first it not long drop."
"aaaaaa..."
"we go other way now."

[Ninefingers]

Kamahl Pit Fighter

"I didn't come to play, I came to win."

[Falkart]

Sedris, the Traitor King
He gives all creatures in your graveyard unearth.
"He bids his minions rise from their graves to their knees."

[ashe]

Reya Dawnbringer (from 10th edition)
"You have not died until I consent."

and

Goblin Razerunners (from Conflux)
Finding themselves in a new and unexplored world, they immediately set it on fire.

[unknownhunter763]

tormented angel
"falling from heaven is not as painful as surviving the impact"

the goblin spelunkers is good

scathe zombies
"they groaned, they stirred, they all uprose, nor spake, nor moved their eyes, it had been strange, even in a dream to have seen those dead men rise"


Phyrexian gargantua
"it doesnt think, it doesnt feel, it doesnt laugh or cry, all it does from dusk till dawn is make the soldiers die"

Breath of malfegor
"The blood of the demons quickened as their master rose over the battlefield. The blood of the angels also quickened: here was the chance to finally end the war started millennia ago."

comment on my forum topic please most disturbing card art ever

[unknownhunter763]

Fodder Cannon
"Step 1: Find your cousin. Step 2: Get your cousin in the cannon. Step 3: Find another cousin."

Sengir Vampire
"Empires rise and fall, evil is eternal"

the goblins have the funniest flavor texts the others pretty much just really cool and self explanitory why we like them

[Skyrim]

It has to be:

Enormous Baloth (http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=135263)

"Its diet consists of fruits, plants, small woodland animals, large woodland animals, woodlands, fruit groves, fruit farmers, and small cities."

[Jaremo]

Lolz. A lot of these are good. I do love goblin flavor texts a lot :D

[ashe]

It has to be:

Enormous Baloth (http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=135263)

"Its diet consists of fruits, plants, small woodland animals, large woodland animals, woodlands, fruit groves, fruit farmers, and small cities."


You know what, forget what I said, I agree with you. But yeah, Goblins really do have some of the best text.

[Penguin_P00P]

Some of my favorites:

Goblin Balloon Brigade
"They patched the holes, loaded their sharpest rocks, spanked their children one last time, and lurched off into the sunset."

Werebear
"He exercises his right to bear arms"

Ib Halfheart, Goblin Tactician
"Everybody but me—CHARGE!"

Deadapult
"Nothing ruins your day like a blazing zombie."
—Tahngarth

[thatoneguy]

Goblin Raider

He's smart for a goblin. He can do two things: Hit and Run

i like enormous baloth too

[unknownhunter763]

Killer Instinct
"Take the bridge, men! Victory! Victory is ou - Retreat! RETREAT!"

Bloodscent
"To study the predators of the Tangle, two people are required: one to watch from above, and one to run like hell."


Souls of the Faultless
"More horrible than their empty forms are their noble eyes. I dare not strike."
- Klattic, Boros legionnaire

Laughing Hyena
"Two muffins baking in the oven, one muffin says to the other muffin, hey its getting kinda hot in here huh? the other muffin says AHH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!!"

Glimpse the Unthinkable
"I am confident that if anyone actually penetrates our facades, even the most perceptive would still be fundamentally unprepared for the truth of House Dimir."
- Szadek

Orzhova, the Church of Deals
"Unlike most churches, at Orzhova it's best to pray before you arrive."

[Cidlocke]

Personally one of my favorite flavor texts is from Goblin Gardener from 7th Edition.


"Years of attempts have brought the goblins no closer to growing a sausage tree"

[Kasimir]

Goblin Sledder:
"Let’s play ’sled.’ Here’s how it works: you’re the sled."""

Canyon Minotaur:
"We'll scale these cliffs, traverse Brittle Bride,and then fight our way down the Volcanic slopes on the other side."
"Isn't the shortest route through the canyon?"
"Yes."
"So shouldn't we-"
"No."

Inferno:
"Some have said there is no subtlety to destruction. You know what? They're dead." - Jaya Ballard, task mage

[deathtyrant5000]

Scepter of dominance
"Whether or not you will bow to me is not open to debate. The question is, will I ever let you rise?"

Clinging darkness
"There's an experience worse than blindness—it's the certainty that your vision is perfect and the horror that there's no world around you to see."
and
Slaughterhouse Bouncer
"A Rakdos party is a flop if anyone lives to talk about it."

and the ib half heart is good and so is goblin gardeners

[Jaremo]

Counterspell:
"It was probably a lousy spell in the first place."

[setharoth]

Enomours Balaoth is funny, so are 90% of the goblins.

Runeboggle: Have you ever tried to count hyperactive children while someone shouts random numbers in your ear? Its something like that.

Greater Stone Spirit: Having charted their way up the difficult face, the two mountaineers had to contend with the mountain's decision to stand up

Then of course, there are some unhinged cards...

Dumb Ass: Admiring the intelligence of the goblins is not a good place to be.

Face to Face: Befuddled by this new game, Argg longed for the days of Rock, Rock, Rock.

[Grevin]

hints of insanity:

practice makes perfect, obsession makes better



battlewise aven:

experience is a good teacher, not a kind one

[Smc1215]

Surprised no one has mentioned this one already:

8th Ed. Obliterate:

"The enemy has been destroyed, sir. So have the forest, the city, your palace, your dog..."
-Keldon Soldier

[setharoth]

lol, great one smc

[heatherntate]

Elixir of Vitality

"Eternal life or your money back guaranteed."
-Unnamed Suq'Ata merchant, deceased

Beat that one... lmao

[realmwizard]

i think i like serra avenger is mine
"Those who endure in the face of suffering, those whose faith shines long in evil days, they shall see salvation." —Song of All, canto 904
Illus. Scott M. Fischer
and i aslo like ib the half hearted
Everybody but me—CHARGE!

[realmwizard]

"My summoning begins your debt, planeswalker."

[realmwizard]

the only wrath of god that has flavor should be on the top of the list lol



"As flies to wanton boys, are we to the gods. They kill us for their sport." -William Shakespeare, King Lear

[DeeP1]

Baloth and Obliterate are cool, nothing to say)

But my favorite has always been Wave of Indifference:

"Darius?"
"Yeah?"
"There's a goblin sneaking up on you."
"So?"
"Just sayin'."

[unknownhunter763]

Fire, Aim, Ready!

Day of Judgement (zendikar)
"I have seen planes leveled and all life rendered to dust. It brought me no pleasure, even to a heart as dark as mine."
-Sorin Markov

[Ardez]

I like Battle Mastery
"Boom! Boom! Boots the size of oxcarts, then an axe like a falling sun. Elves scattered. Trees scattered. Even the hills ran for the hills!" -Clachen Tales

or Pyroclasm
"Who'd want to ignite things one at a time?" -Chandra Nalaar

Carrion Beetle
It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.

Panic Attack from Prophecy I think
Sometimes everyone decides to go for help at the same time.

Hundroog from Legions
"New links are being added to the food chain on a daily basis." -Riptide Project researcher

Blade Sliver
After breaking free from the Ripetide Project, all the slivers quickly adapted to life on Otaria--much to the dismay of life on Otaria.

Thresher Beast
It destroys everything in its path, including the path itself.

Rethink, I just love how the flavor texts reflects the name so well.
"Are you sure you want to do that?"

and the favorite, Goblins, lol
Boggart Loggers
Auntie Flint lent axes to Nibb and Gyik, thinking they'd share their experiences with her. She's still waiting for them to come back.

When I was reading the previous pages(when I was on page 1 actually) I was like, somebody is going to have said baloth already. Thats where my vote goes if I get one =P

[unknownhunter763]

Goblin King
To be king, Numsgil did in Blog, who did in Unkful, who did in Viddle, who did in Loll, who did in Alrok. . . .

[Sheperd_Guy]

Mindslicer
"it is the thing that goes bump in the night."

Lightning talons
"This is going to hurt alot, but on the bright side, you'll be dead soon"
- Sedris, the Traitor King

GOblin Deathraiders
"Every once in a while, when they aren't getting incinerated in lava, crushed under rock slides, or devoured by dragons, goblins experience moments of unmittigated glory in batte"

Lurking Skirge
"They never miss a funeral"


Lave Axe
"CATCH!"

Shunt
"you might want to work on your aim

Carrion Rats
"Just what I need-more competition"
-cabal grave robber

Acquire
sometimes "innovation" means "stealing another's secret before anyone else can."

Trained Orgg
"that arm's for bashin', That one's for smashin', that one's for scratchin', and that one. . . I don't know what that one's for."

[SaBLeSoLDi3R]

I like the Fifth Edition Wall of Bone text.

"Good neighbors make good walls."
-Jakkarak the Maimer

[SaBLeSoLDi3R]

Also, the older Memory Lapse is kinda funny.

"Um... oh... what was I saying?"
-Reveka, wizard savant

[SaBLeSoLDi3R]

Goblin Piker made me laugh a bit.

Once he'd worked out which end of the thing was sharp, he was promoted to guard duty.

[endrance227]

I like the canyon minataur
Set M10

We'il scale these cliffs, traverse brittle bridge and then fight our way down the volcanic slopes on the other side.
"Isn't the shortest way through the canyon?"
"yes"
"so shoulden't we-"
"no"

[rileyandholly88]

Aluren has a pretty nice one, great old card.

Squee bounced up and down. "I sees a horsey, an' a piggy, an' a-" "If you don't shut up, " hissed Mirri, "you'll see a kidney and a spleeny."

[Fzdd]

i think id go with Giant Octopus
"The only thing that flows faster than water is fear

[thatoneguy]

Hill Giant

Fortunately, hill giants have large blind spots in which a human can easily hide. Unfortunately, these blindspots are beneath the bottoms of their feet.

Grizzly Bears

Don't try to outrun one of Dominaria's grizzlies; it'll catch you, knock you down, and eat you. Of course, you could run up a tree. In that case you'll get a nice view before it knocks down the tree and eats you.

Ogre Taskmaster

Three little goblins, enjoying their brew. One bumped an ogre, and then there were two.

Index

"Let's see... Mercadia, mercenary, merfolk... you know, I really need a better filing system."

Vizzerdrix

A bored wizard once created a vizzerdrix out of a bunny and a piranha. He never made that mistake again

[farrom23]

Rakka Mar:

"The finest pawns are those with pawns of their own."
- Nicol Bolas, Planeswalker

Soul Manipulation:

"Birth and death are both reversible."
-Nicol Bolas, Planeswalker

Raging Goblin:

"He raged at the world, at his family, at his life. But mostly he just raged."

hahah

[farrom23]

And definitely Goblin Artillery:

"Most goblins get their turn firing the catapult, but few achieve the coveted title of Ammunition Holder"
hahahaha

[Nytestryke24]

River Boa- from Zendikar

"Sheath your swords! Cudgels only. I see a new pair of waterproof trek boots slithering away."
—Nablus, North Hada trapper

[tizoby]

Lilliana Vess - Death is no excuse for disobidence xD

[ravenoid]

Canyon Minotaur (2010)

"We'll scale these cliffs, traverse the Brittle Bridge, and then fight our way down the volcanic slopes on the other side."
"Isn't the shortest way through the canyon?"
"Yes."
"So shouldn't we--"
"No."

[jesterloomis]

Radha, Heir to Keld
"Run home, cur. I've already taken your master's head. Don't make me thrash you with it."

Door To Nothingness
"All memory of your existence will be wiped from reality. You will die, and no one will mourn."
—Memnarch

Gruul War Plow
"Steering apparatus? What for? Rip it out, sharpen it, and lash it to the front"
—Ktank, Gruul plowmaster

[Arlithian]

My favorite has got to be

Nemesis of Reason

Words describing it fail. Pages relating it shrivel. Tales recounting it end.

Just the name is enough, the flavor text makes it better. :)

[rewex]

I think Best is Quicksilver Wall:
"Ogg hit wall. Ogg no kill wall. Ogg hate wall!"

[Jund4Lyfe]

lol, all of these are good, the favorite i own is goblin piker or goblin ammunition
"Once he figured out which end of the spear was sharp, he was immediately promoted to guard duty" --goblin piker
"Many Goblins get their turn firing the catapult, but few get the coveted title of ammunition holer." goblin ammunition (as best as I remember.)

The zubera texts are pretty cool too.
Siege Mastodon has slightly amusing flavor text:
"Defending the citadel is easy. I just take these big fellows outside and let the enemy take a good long look."
-Mastodon keeper

[Portugaru]

Lux Cannon
This one has one of my favorite texts

"There are few problems that can't be solved by putting a hole in the world."

[surewhynot]

Most epic flavor text, bar NONE has to be Time of Heroes:

"No one spoke. There was no need. The threat of the Eldrazi presented a simple choice: lay down your weapons and die for nothing, or hold them fast and die for something." :eek:



And another recent card always makes me laugh is Assault Strobe:

"When breaking someone's face once just isn't enough." :D

[InfiniteLunacy]

"Just think how strong I'll be if my arms don't tear off!"
- Bloodshot Trainee

The mind: a great weapon and an even greater weakness.
-Jace Beleren

[xMrLuckYCharMx]

Gorilla Titan: I want a banana THIS big.

[Portugaru]

ok have another one and this is evil

http://www.mtgvault.com/ViewCard.aspx?CardName=Hatred&Edition=EXO&Print=1

"I will flay the skin from your flesh and the flesh from your bones and scrape your bones dry. And still you will not have suffered enough." —Greven il-Vec, to Gerrard

[Copyright]

Ive always liked:
From Autumn Willow - straight out of the best set ever: Homelands

"We must shake her limbs and rattle her brains." -Grandmother Sengir

[MomirBiggsSimicFat]

"As I died, I rejoiced. I would see my family again. But then I woke up back on the battlefield. Back in Kamigawa. Back in hell."?Kenzo the Hardhearted:manaw:

[dannycolledge]

Big Furry Monster

It was big. Really, really big. No, bigger than that. Even bigger. Keep going. More. No, more. Look, we're talking krakens and dreadnoughts for jewelry. It was big!" —Arna Kennerud, skyknight

[daggerback5423]

shirk prospector
"I like goblins. They make funny little popping sounds when they die." —Braids, dementia summoner":D:D:D:D

[sirowl123]

not so much flavor text, but i just love this card in general :D

Rules: As Farewell to Arms comes into play, choose a hand attached to an opponent's arm. When the chosen hand isn't behind its owner's back, sacrifice Farewell to Arms. If you do, that player discards his or her hand . . . of cards. (The lawyers wouldn't let us do it the other way.)